My Friday the 13th, Their Friday the 13th

And so I pulled the pin yesterday. It wasn't much of an explosion for I've kept it low-key but enough to cause a bit of clatter amongst those in the top level. I didn't especially pick Friday the 13th to be the day I formalise my resignation, it just so happened that it is exactly four weeks from when I intend to wrap up with my current company.

It was not as easy as I thought it would be. Following my news is a series of meetings between myself and my manager's boss, and as I suspect between him and the bigger boss. I was prepared with my reasons, which were laid out clear and simple - that I am taking the time to re-evaluate my career and investigate new opportunities, that I am not ecstatic about the balance in responsibilities within the team, and that I would be going away on a three-months holiday. End of story, it should have been, but no. For each of my reason, they countered with an offer. Quite tempting but am I one to be easily bought? Not having accepted anything and still firm with my decision, I then received a request for a "discussion" with the head of operations, which surprised me because I never thought that it would be any issue. The first words that came out of my mouth was "Gee, it's like being summoned into the principal's office." But it's quite the contrary, the discussion was for him to understand why I want to leave, and for him to convince me to stay. I don't know if it was to give compliment or what but he stressed that he normally doesn't ask people to sit with him and question their resignation if they weren't exceptional, and that I was exceptional. An ego boost, maybe, but it made the whole process all the more painful and difficult. What with praises and compliments being dished out from two very critical and picky people, with assurance of flexibility in my planned holidays (as long as I want), and possibility of creating a role that I would find fit and good for me - all to keep me in the company. Now what?

It did not resolve anything, obviously. I sat there running out of things to say. I've totally failed to live by my conviction that in this situation, I'd be swinging things to go MY way. But fair enough, these two wouldn't be in their position if they are not that smooth and that convincing. They want to hold on to my resignation, but for me to take the weekend to rethink it. And now I am racking my brains for answers. I want to kick myself for being a coward to their niceness and high regard for me, I was not able to once again drive my point that no matter what is laid out on the plate, I have set my mind to go. The thing that is holding me back is that I do not like to disappoint, but in this case it looks like I would have to. It's now a matter of getting the courage and thickness of face to do so.

It'll be Friday the 13th all over again, come Monday.